Pink Marygold Dreams

So if anyone`s wondering, then I am in the hospital with severe depression.
My sister brought me her laptop, so now I am stealing the clinic`s internet xD
But she`s taking it away today :/
 
So there`s 24/7 video surveillance EVERYWHERE. Yes, even the bathroom. But that`s because of the bulimics..
I can only use my cellphone between the hours of 17-18. So that sucks.
My roommate is a really cool emo girl with an awesome haircut xD
She`s really talkative :/
The bed is really comfortable, but I still can`t sleep right.
I personally liked Valga`s hospital more.
But then again, thin isn`t exacty a hopital. I am in a madhouse. Seriously.
The nurses are quite nice, but still annoying.

I`ll be spending my birthday also here .__. Maybe I`ll get special treatment that day ^^
Well, atleast it comforts me that I am locked up, so I can`t kill myself..

so anyway I ahve to end now and go to eat. Baibai.

I miss you Shizu!! ;__;

Just some backup files ^^;

http://www.mediafire.com/?bniejczwzdd
http://www.mediafire.com/?kxlk3mdudzk
http://www.mediafire.com/?3ye2zdog13p
http://www.mediafire.com/?vsiirpbzwmk
http://www.mediafire.com/?zwngiwlwxww
http://www.mediafire.com/?yytnwtfzg2z
http://www.mediafire.com/?jimb1tjyn5i
http://www.mediafire.com/?w0ohf0d9wiy

I have not been feeling like myself lately.
Also, I'm sick :S

When I read the news about Tora, I started crying T__T
And I wasn't even happy when he updated his blog because of that.
I couldn't sleep all night in the weekend.
But not only because of Tora. Another thing worrying me is that I haven't been able to contact Shizu.
The thing that happened to Tora made me think if something has happened to Shizu too.
A part of me tells me not to exaggerate and that she is fine, but yet if something would/has happened to her, I would never know ;__;

So right now, I'm home alone, watching That 70's Show, and drinking Kiss Cherry Cider (mm~ =^__^=).

I feel like Jim Carrey from "The Number 23" I'm like noticing thing everywhere >__>
For instance, my left earphone from my mp3 player broke. The left. The one where Tora's guitar is heard.
Also, whenever I have drawn Tora, I have never drawn his left hand because I lack the ability to draw two normal looking human hands. I usually just draw the right hand and then hide the left one behind his back or just play with the effects a little, so that the hand s not shown.
Scanned proof -->

scan_Tora2.jpg

1 comment

I have also discovered a new talent.
No matter how I go to sleep, alway when i wake up, my blanket is sideways >__>;
And yet I don't want to put it the right way, because I know when I would move then I could never fall asleep again.
So I just ignore it until I'm too cold to sleep. :D

Recently I haven't been able to use the computer much because my sister is home =__=;
Because of the winter break (and no access to the internet), I haven't been able to do much. That causes me to think all day. Think waay too much >__>; And that makes me want to confess in someone, but I haven't been able to reach Shizu-san lately either ;__; Apparently she has a cold. I hope she feels better~ [Drink lots of hot tea and eat lots of .. other hot stuff  ^o^/]

I usually get a major cough and ear infection during winter, but this year seems like it has forgotten about me (probably thanks to my magic kitty-hat :D)
Last year, when I had a baad~ cough, my aunt chopped some onions and mixed it fully with sugar and I had to eat it (it tastes as bad as it sounds >__>;;;). But it worked like magic! The cough that no medicine could ease disappeared in one night :O

Also, my sister thinks I'm a freak because of my memory. See, I remember clearly things from back when we were living in Lüllemäe, the point is, that I was barely a year old. We moved to Valga when I was a year and a half.
I also remember how my sister used to ditch me for her friends even though she was supposed to keep an eye on me >__> I remember soo much that it scares even me.

Have I ever mentioned Dai*Shi before? Well, they are awesome! ^o^
Even though they make just mostly covers, but they give their unique touch and soul to every song they perform~
HimE-san is really cute too~ She has an amazing voice ^_^
Though, they need to be more open and free on stage. HimE should jump around and headbang more! ^^

My guitar-learning is going awesome~ I can almost play Dream Catcher. I have learned it for about four days now and it's the very first song I have EVER tried to play on guitar. ^^ I only need to work on the change of chords, so that there wouldn't be a disturbing silence between them.
I hate barre. I hate it soo much >(  My fingers are way too short and curvy to press down more than two strings at a time T_T
I have REALLY short fingers ;__; We were comparing our fingers with each other (don't ask.. >__>) and turns out that even though I am the tallest, I have the smallest fingers TT__TT
That's why it's so hard for me to learn guitar.

Damn, I have to leave again. But soon my sister will go back to her home, and then I can have my computer back to myself =^_^=
Baibai~

One day I was walking to school. I had to go for the second class, so all the streets were mainly empty.
But in front of me was walking a young woman. About two or three years older than me.
She had perfectly bleached hair, an expensive leather bag, high heel shoes and a perfect figure.
I kept walking behind her and started thinking about how different our lives must be. She probably had a successful job and a sea of men who were longing for her.
As I was walking and kept thinking, I soon noticed that we were wearing the same jackets. I guess we aren't all so different after all = ＾ω＾=

We all live on the same planet - might aswell get along.

Heii ^_^

I forget to update all the time :/

I discovered a new band - Cinema Bizarre ^^
I know, they've been around for ages, but I had never even heard of them until yesterday >__>
They are the newcomers of the year in Germany btw :D
The band has an awesome visual look! I hate to say this, but... the vocalist sounds gay.
And I don't really like the voice of the ugly one guy with the keyboard.
And they make really really pop rock. When I first heard "Escape To The Stars" it reminded me of US5. And that is NOT good >__>

Strify - vocals (what kind of a name is that o__O;)
Yu - guitar
Kiro - bass (the cute one ^_^)
Luminor - keyboard, vocals (I don't like his hair at all -__-)
Shin - drums (my favourite =^_^=)

In an interview, they were asked wether they like girls or boys, and there was a big awkward silence :D And everyone knows what that means xD~

I went to the store to buy Bravo, because they are in it, but then I noticed that Popcorn right next to it, has The Gazette's poster in it.
Guess which magazine I bought >__>

Yes, I bought Popcorn ^^
Only to get the A3 poster of The GazettE :D
There was nothing else in it >__>
Oh, wait, there was a tiny tiny mention of J-Rock Invasion, where the also mentioned alice nine. and their new album Alpha.
For some reason, I got really mad because they wrote "Alice Nine" instead of "alice nine."... I need help :D
It's weird, I'm really case-sensitive I guess, I like "Anni" written as "anni" more too >__>

I also got a mini calender if Cinema Bizarre ^^

And Reelika promised to give me her D'espairsRay poster that she got with Bravo, because she doesn't listen to the band.
Actually, seeing that poster in Reelika's copy of Bravo is where I discovered D'espairsRay ^^ (that was like years ago >__>)

Tomorrow is the last day of school! =^_^=
This term was a complete failure T_T
But during the two weeks of winter holidays I can talk to Shizu~ ^_^ (who needs to update her blog more often...*hint hint* :D)

Two past days of school have been really weird :/
During the Estonian lesson I finished the assignment earlier than others, so I got really bored. At the same time alice nine.'s "Armor Ring" was playing in my head. So I don't know how it happened, but all of a sudden, not realizing it myself, I started singing out loud x__x;;  I managed to sing " Mezame, kimi no hoho ni kiss wo shiyou mou dare mo nikumanai youni~" before the whole class started laughing. In my head, it was like "Oh god, PLEASE tell me I didn't just sing it out loud O__O"
The teacher was like "Wow, you have a really pretty voice."
And I was like *headdesk* >__>

Also, today, during the English lesson, the teacher gave us some exam papers, so we could practise and see how we do. But while she was handing them out, she said "I'll tell you what you will do with them"
I was already in a bad mood, so I said with a low voice "yeah, stick them in our asses and sing Christmas carols >__>"
But apparently, it wasn't low enough... the teacher heard me >__>;
So she turns to me and says "Oh~ so you want to sing Christmas carols?"
Becky started laughing her ass off, and I was like "Err... what?" :D

During the Maths class, Kristina gave me to eat a really weird fruit. Or more like an overgrown berry o__O
It tasted really exotic (it was) and it had a huge stone in it. You have to peel it before you can eat it. From the outside it is pink, but the fruit itself inside is white-ish. It tastes like candy :D I can't remember the name of the fruit ;__;

This is getting long...
I finish for now, but I think during the holidays I can update more often~ ^^
(and I have completely given up on coloured text T_T)

Have you noticed - no matter how much you try and struggle, next time they still want more and better...

I received my copy of Alpha not too long time ago, and thought that maybe someone would like the music videos with high quality and no text. 
If you use them, then credit would be nice, because it took me a long and painful time to rip these T_T

cosmic world PV
size: 50,2 MB
length: 5:15
format: .avi

Download link:
http://www.mediafire.com/?8s5gb1cdli1



Blue Planet PV
size: 30,7 MB
length: 3:15
format: .avi

Download link:
 http://www.mediafire.com/?cva11m9rhgx

And in case someone missed it, I'm giving the download links for separate new songs aswell. ^^

Alpha_special_edition_cover

1. "ZERO" – 4:49 [http://www.mediafire.com/?bnnxlnzdd1x]
2. "cosmic world" – 5:09 [http://www.mediafire.com/?eymxmcyv5xe]
3. "AOI TORI (蒼い鳥) " – 3:24 [http://www.mediafire.com/?ftz3mcluhxs]
4. "JEWELS" – 4:47
5. "9th Revolver" – 3:03 [http://www.mediafire.com/?5myaoonddgn]
6. "-Dice-" – 3:27 [http://www.mediafire.com/?et3nqbt2vxz]
7. "NUMBER SIX." – 5:38

8. "KOU SAI (虹彩)" – 7:37 [http://www.mediafire.com/?d32nxnydl1z]
9. "WHITE PRAYER" – 4:01
10. "ERASER (イレイザー)" – 5:02 [http://www.mediafire.com/?0xhpxgngzxc]
11. "BLUE PLANET (ブループラネット)" – 3:19
12. "Cradle to [Alpha]" – 2:24 [http://www.mediafire.com/?1cznctjbneo]

I've been looking around in the internet shopping places recently.
And Christmas in near, so I decided to do a wish-list ^^ (even though our family doesn't celebrate Christmas)
It isn't really a wish-list, just some things that caught my eye.
And when I say "some" I mean "39" xD~

[click to enlarge]

I know I can't get them T_T My mum wont give me money to order something off the internet.
Care to donate? :D

Download link: http://www.mediafire.com/?9ypmrby5nzk

I have found myself listening to this song on repeat recently.
It's a very deep song. I fell asleep while listening to this song, and when I woke up, I realized that my dream fits perfectly to this song.

The dream goes:
A young (male) scientist creates an android type of girl. [Like the ones in the movie "2046". If you haven't seen the movie, then watch it now!] It is created to serve and please humans.
Soon the android develops a certain affection against the scientist, and starts thinking thoughts that she should not think and acts like she should not act [I never knew about this other world of me].
But when the scientist notices it, he starts to fear of what she could turn into [like I don't trust a computer that I can not easily throw out the window >__>].
He fears the free will of the android, and yet he hasn't the heart to brake her [if you have spent your whole life on creating something and finally succeed, I don't think you would like to just throw it away either], so he takes her far far away and makes sure she can't leave [this is the bridge part btw].
The android can't understand what's happening. The man she loves leaves her behind.
All alone.
Soon the love takes over the whole system [love is the greatest force in the universe] and the android loses all her senses, with only one question in her mind:
"Do you think of me the way I think of you?"
And many hundreds of years later, she still remains.
All life on the Earth had long ceased to exist and everything is crystalline.
But she still remains.
Repeating the same question over and over again.
Never hearing the answer.
Never understanding the answer.
She still remains.
Alone.